S
stonemcstone
I've been programming in C for years, and never experienced troubles
until I started using the new RealC-32, a freeware C compiler from the
same company that makes RealPlayer and Quicktime. That's when the
trouble started. See, RealC-32 is like any other C compiler but with
one notable difference. Any time your code invokes undefined
behavior-- for example by dereferencing an uninitialized pointer--
rather than the usual segmentation fault, instead the program will chug
along as usual, but will silently start launching spam emails and
spyware from the computer.
It was only a matter of time before I accidentally forgot to initialize
a pointer before dereferencing it. Then, sure enough, in place of the
usual segfault, my computer started sending porn to every email account
on the 'net. Hours later, the feds busted down my door and I was
hauled off kicking and screaming.
At my trial I insisted I was not responsible for the spam, that it was
the fault of RealC-32. But a representative from the company pointed
out that they were completely in compliance with the C standard, which
allowed them free reign to do as they pleased with my computer once I
dereferenced that uninitialized pointer. The judge agreed that I was
merely using a RealC-32 extension to simplify the creation of the
spam-sending software, and that I was just as responsible for it as I
would be if I'd explicitly programmed it using, say, gcc. In the end I
was forced to succumb to their logic-- they were, afterall, quite
right.
EPILOGUE
Stone McStone continues to serve hard time in a federal "pound me in
the ass" prison. Hopefully he's learned his lesson about dereferencing
uninitialized pointers! RealC-32 has made millions of dollars by
selling adware contracts to small startup businesses. They are
currently negotiating with Diebold Inc. trying to win the contract to
provide the C compiler for Diebold's controversial e-voting machines.
until I started using the new RealC-32, a freeware C compiler from the
same company that makes RealPlayer and Quicktime. That's when the
trouble started. See, RealC-32 is like any other C compiler but with
one notable difference. Any time your code invokes undefined
behavior-- for example by dereferencing an uninitialized pointer--
rather than the usual segmentation fault, instead the program will chug
along as usual, but will silently start launching spam emails and
spyware from the computer.
It was only a matter of time before I accidentally forgot to initialize
a pointer before dereferencing it. Then, sure enough, in place of the
usual segfault, my computer started sending porn to every email account
on the 'net. Hours later, the feds busted down my door and I was
hauled off kicking and screaming.
At my trial I insisted I was not responsible for the spam, that it was
the fault of RealC-32. But a representative from the company pointed
out that they were completely in compliance with the C standard, which
allowed them free reign to do as they pleased with my computer once I
dereferenced that uninitialized pointer. The judge agreed that I was
merely using a RealC-32 extension to simplify the creation of the
spam-sending software, and that I was just as responsible for it as I
would be if I'd explicitly programmed it using, say, gcc. In the end I
was forced to succumb to their logic-- they were, afterall, quite
right.
EPILOGUE
Stone McStone continues to serve hard time in a federal "pound me in
the ass" prison. Hopefully he's learned his lesson about dereferencing
uninitialized pointers! RealC-32 has made millions of dollars by
selling adware contracts to small startup businesses. They are
currently negotiating with Diebold Inc. trying to win the contract to
provide the C compiler for Diebold's controversial e-voting machines.