WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????

Discussion in 'Perl Misc' started by your.absolute.god@gmail.com, Apr 1, 2008.

  1. Guest

    WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL?????? I wrote this PERL program
    yesterday and PERL does not even work! I had this EXACT same problem
    also with another completely different PERL program that I wrote on a
    completely different day, so I KNOW the problem is with PERL!!!!
    Somebody fix PERL ASAP!!! Here is my program that proves PERL is
    broken

    @photos = SYSTEM (`dir c:\my pictures\alt.binaries.erotica.children
    \*.jpg`)),
    for each ('$photo' in '@Photos') [
    yada yada yada ...
    yada yada yada ...
    yada yada yada ...
    YOU GET THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!
    PERL JUST SKIPS ***ALL*** OF THIS!
    yada yada yada ...
    yada yada yada ...
    yada yada yada ...
    ],

    But PERL doesnt work! Try it yourself and you will see that I am
    right! The loop never even loops - it skips over ALL of the program in
    the loop (I can PROVE it with a textfile, so dont try to tell me PERL
    is not broken)! It even gives me a bogus error message about bare
    words (I have NO bare words) when it runs, even though I indented it
    right! And it gives me the EXACT same bogus message in my other
    COMPLETELY DIFFERENT mp3 program. Somebody fix this ASAP! And I dont
    mean anybody with those funny names either! I get the feeling this
    whole BBS has been outsourced or something!!! I pay a high price to my
    ISP for PREMIUM broadband service - I pay my ISP with hard-earned
    American Dollars, so I want a REAL American to fix my problem, not one
    those rude foreigners with the funny names and bad attitudes!

    Send me the fixed PERL as a e-mail attachment (it is OK to send me
    attachments - I have PREMIUM broadband service. You do not need to
    mail me a disk - that takes too long.). Send me the Windows version,
    not the unix version (I am NOT working on a mainframe). And hurry!
    This is a EMERGENCY - I need this ASAP!!! If you do not fix this ASAP
    I promise that I *WILL* flame your sorry ass and make you look like a
    incompetent stupid and lazy bastard before the whole world! I will
    REALLY do this!!! And I will report you to my ISP also, and I am
    warning you that I am one of their BEST customers with PREMIUM
    broadband service and they want to keep me happy!!!

    ALSO and I have a question - how do I rename a file??? There is
    NOTHING in the PERL book about this!!! Can PERL even do this??? E-
    mail me the answer to this question also ASAP!!! And ASO tell me what
    is the best kind of wireless network card because I need to get one of
    those (it has to be VERY fast to work with my PREMIUM broadband).

    And ALSO why does PERL say 'elsif'? That isnt even spelt right!!!!!!
    Cant you peeple even spell??? You peeple dont even know how to use
    spell check??? Change that to 'elseif' so it doesnt confuse peeple!
    THIS IS MESSING UP MY PROGRAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I thought PERL was suppose to be a good language! Now that I have
    learnet PERL and now I KNOW that really it SUCKS!!! I will tell you
    how to fix PERL, but I will NOT do your work for you! I give you
    several things to fix for now. When you finish that, I will probably
    have some more things for you to do because I am very sure that there
    is more broken stuff in PERL.

    But may be instead I will use a different language that is not broken
    so that I am not having to be wasting my time telling you how to fix
    PERL. I have heard about something called RUBY that is suppose to be
    MUCH more better than PERL. What is RUBY? Does it really work? E-
    mail me some informations, because I am not an expert about RUBY. Is
    there something better than RUBY??? E-mail me about that too. If it
    is better then I will get you to convert my PERL programs because I am
    very busy and I do not have time to do this conversions myself.

    And who keeps spamming me with all these FAQ mails in this BBS???
    Stop it!!! I know what all this is, and I can find ALL of these
    informations on a website - I do NOT need all this spam! Spam is
    against the law, and I WILL report you to Microsoft if you do not
    stop!

    I could go on forever, of course (and it seems like I have), but if
    you haven't figured it out already - this is April 1 (at least in my
    locale), and it's not unusual in the United States to play pranks on
    "April Fool's Day," and this entire message has been a gag (it's a
    gag, NOT a troll). Sadly, though, EVERYTHING here was inspired by
    actual posts in this forum over the past few years.

    255dbbb33a73698c9adccc5669d09cc3
    , Apr 1, 2008
    #1
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  2. wrote:
    >WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????


    Why are you yelling? BTW: your question mark key is stuck.

    > I wrote this PERL program


    Then why are you posting in a Perl NG?

    >yesterday and PERL does not even work! I had this EXACT same problem
    >also with another completely different PERL program that I wrote on a
    >completely different day, so I KNOW the problem is with PERL!!!!


    Yeah , right.

    >Somebody fix PERL ASAP!!! Here is my program that proves PERL is
    >broken
    >
    >@photos = SYSTEM (`dir c:\my pictures\alt.binaries.erotica.children
    >\*.jpg`)),
    >for each ('$photo' in '@Photos') [


    As I figured. Your PERL must be different programming language then the
    Perl that is discussed here. If you were trying to program Perl then
    those three lines would contain 5 syntax and 1 context error. There may
    be more, but those I found at a quick glimpse.

    > yada yada yada ...
    > yada yada yada ...
    > yada yada yada ...
    > YOU GET THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!
    > PERL JUST SKIPS ***ALL*** OF THIS!
    >],
    >
    >But PERL doesnt work!


    Oh, perl works perfectly fine. It's just that the array @photos is
    empty. If you are wondering why, the answer can be found in the FAQ

    perldoc -q "DOS paths"

    >The loop never even loops - it skips over ALL of the program in
    >the loop


    It behaves exactly like it is supposed to do.

    >(I can PROVE it with a textfile, so dont try to tell me PERL
    >is not broken)! It even gives me a bogus error message about bare
    >words (I have NO bare words) when it runs,


    That happens when you try to run a PERL program through the Perl
    interpreter. Those are obviously different languages.

    >even though I indented it
    >right! And it gives me the EXACT same bogus message in my other
    >COMPLETELY DIFFERENT mp3 program.


    I don't know the programming language mp3. However logic would dictate
    that the same problem occuring in 2 different programming languages most
    likely is caused by the programmer, not the interpreter.

    >Send me the fixed PERL as a e-mail attachment (it is OK to send me
    >attachments - I have PREMIUM broadband service. You do not need to
    >mail me a disk - that takes too long.).


    Would a UUencoded X11 binary work, too?

    >you haven't figured it out already - this is April 1 [...]
    >"April Fool's Day," and this entire message has been a gag (it's a
    >gag, NOT a troll).


    And the difference would be?

    jue
    Jürgen Exner, Apr 1, 2008
    #2
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  3. Mpapec Guest

    wrote:

    > I could go on forever, of course (and it seems like I have), but if
    > you haven't figured it out already - this is April 1 (at least in my



    Ah, at the end you've managed to spoil a perfectly good post. :)
    Mpapec, Apr 1, 2008
    #3
  4. O_TEXT Guest

    Lawrence Statton a écrit :
    > Jürgen Exner <> writes:
    >
    >> wrote:
    >>> WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????

    >
    > You do realize that today is 1 April in the United states?


    It is first April too is some other countries.

    > Everything you read on "teh intarwebs" today will be less credible than
    > usual.
    >
    O_TEXT, Apr 1, 2008
    #4
  5. O_TEXT <> writes:

    > Lawrence Statton a écrit :
    >> Jürgen Exner <> writes:
    >>
    >>> wrote:
    >>>> WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????

    >>
    >> You do realize that today is 1 April in the United states?

    >
    > It is first April too is some other countries.


    And the US don't have a monopoly on 1 April jokes, either. Strange but
    true.

    --
    Joost Diepenmaat | blog: http://joost.zeekat.nl/ | work: http://zeekat.nl/
    Joost Diepenmaat, Apr 1, 2008
    #5
  6. Rich Grise Guest

    On Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:43:37 +0200, O_TEXT wrote:
    > Lawrence Statton a écrit :
    >> Jürgen Exner <> writes:
    >>
    >>> wrote:
    >>>> WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????

    >>
    >> You do realize that today is 1 April in the United states?

    >
    > It is first April too is some other countries.
    >


    Yes, but do they "celebrate" "April Fools' Day"?

    For example, England _has_ a 4 July, but nobody there pays
    any attention to it. ;-)

    Thanks,
    Rich
    Rich Grise, Apr 1, 2008
    #6
  7. Lawrence Statton <> wrote:
    >Everything you read on "teh intarwebs" today will be less credible than
    >usual.


    Is that even possible?

    jue
    Jürgen Exner, Apr 1, 2008
    #7
  8. greymaus Guest

    On 2008-04-01, Rich Grise <> wrote:
    > On Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:43:37 +0200, O_TEXT wrote:
    >> Lawrence Statton a écrit :
    >>> Jürgen Exner <> writes:
    >>>
    >>>> wrote:
    >>>>> WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????
    >>>
    >>> You do realize that today is 1 April in the United states?

    >>
    >> It is first April too is some other countries.
    >>

    >
    > Yes, but do they "celebrate" "April Fools' Day"?
    >
    > For example, England _has_ a 4 July, but nobody there pays
    > any attention to it. ;-)
    >
    > Thanks,
    > Rich
    >


    Oh, they celebrate it, for the opposite reason (Still April 1st).

    --
    Greymaus

    Anything that can not kill you is a boring experience.
    greymaus, Apr 1, 2008
    #8
  9. Sir Robin Guest

    On Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:18:42 GMT, Rich Grise <> wrote:

    >On Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:43:37 +0200, O_TEXT wrote:
    >> Lawrence Statton a écrit :
    >>> Jürgen Exner <> writes:
    >>>
    >>>> wrote:
    >>>>> WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????
    >>>
    >>> You do realize that today is 1 April in the United states?

    >>
    >> It is first April too is some other countries.

    >
    >Yes, but do they "celebrate" "April Fools' Day"?


    Certainly - I know at least here in Finland we do.

    >Thanks,
    >Rich


    --
    ***/--- Sir Robin (aka Jani Saksa) Bi-Sex and proud of it! ---\***
    **/ email: -SPAM.org, <*> Reg. Linux user #290577 \**
    *| Me, Drugs, DooM, Photos, Writings... http://soul.fiveam.org/robsku |*
    **\--- GSM/SMS: +358 44 927 3992 ---/**
    "Kun nuorille opetetaan, että kannabis on yhtä vaarallista kuin heroiini,
    niin tokihan he oppivat, että heroiini on yhtä vaaratonta kuin kannabis."
    Sir Robin, Apr 4, 2008
    #9
  10. Thanatos Guest

    The sentient life form posted the following:

    > WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????


    I think it will be easier to fix YOU!
    Thanatos, Apr 4, 2008
    #10
  11. LesleyB Guest

    wrote:

    <snip>
    >
    > @photos = SYSTEM (`dir c:\my pictures\alt.binaries.erotica.children
    > \*.jpg`)),


    <snip>


    I *knew* there was a reason not to lurk on this list.

    L.
    LesleyB, Apr 6, 2008
    #11
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