WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????

[your.absolute.god]

WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL?????? I wrote this PERL program
yesterday and PERL does not even work! I had this EXACT same problem
also with another completely different PERL program that I wrote on a
completely different day, so I KNOW the problem is with PERL!!!!
Somebody fix PERL ASAP!!! Here is my program that proves PERL is
broken

@photos = SYSTEM (`dir c:\my pictures\alt.binaries.erotica.children
\*.jpg`)),
for each ('$photo' in '@Photos') [
yada yada yada ...
yada yada yada ...
yada yada yada ...
YOU GET THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!
PERL JUST SKIPS ***ALL*** OF THIS!
yada yada yada ...
yada yada yada ...
yada yada yada ...
],

But PERL doesnt work! Try it yourself and you will see that I am
right! The loop never even loops - it skips over ALL of the program in
the loop (I can PROVE it with a textfile, so dont try to tell me PERL
is not broken)! It even gives me a bogus error message about bare
words (I have NO bare words) when it runs, even though I indented it
right! And it gives me the EXACT same bogus message in my other
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT mp3 program. Somebody fix this ASAP! And I dont
mean anybody with those funny names either! I get the feeling this
whole BBS has been outsourced or something!!! I pay a high price to my
ISP for PREMIUM broadband service - I pay my ISP with hard-earned
American Dollars, so I want a REAL American to fix my problem, not one
those rude foreigners with the funny names and bad attitudes!

Send me the fixed PERL as a e-mail attachment (it is OK to send me
attachments - I have PREMIUM broadband service. You do not need to
mail me a disk - that takes too long.). Send me the Windows version,
not the unix version (I am NOT working on a mainframe). And hurry!
This is a EMERGENCY - I need this ASAP!!! If you do not fix this ASAP
I promise that I *WILL* flame your sorry ass and make you look like a
incompetent stupid and lazy bastard before the whole world! I will
REALLY do this!!! And I will report you to my ISP also, and I am
warning you that I am one of their BEST customers with PREMIUM
broadband service and they want to keep me happy!!!

ALSO and I have a question - how do I rename a file??? There is
NOTHING in the PERL book about this!!! Can PERL even do this??? E-
mail me the answer to this question also ASAP!!! And ASO tell me what
is the best kind of wireless network card because I need to get one of
those (it has to be VERY fast to work with my PREMIUM broadband).

And ALSO why does PERL say 'elsif'? That isnt even spelt right!!!!!!
Cant you peeple even spell??? You peeple dont even know how to use
spell check??? Change that to 'elseif' so it doesnt confuse peeple!
THIS IS MESSING UP MY PROGRAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought PERL was suppose to be a good language! Now that I have
learnet PERL and now I KNOW that really it SUCKS!!! I will tell you
how to fix PERL, but I will NOT do your work for you! I give you
several things to fix for now. When you finish that, I will probably
have some more things for you to do because I am very sure that there
is more broken stuff in PERL.

But may be instead I will use a different language that is not broken
so that I am not having to be wasting my time telling you how to fix
PERL. I have heard about something called RUBY that is suppose to be
MUCH more better than PERL. What is RUBY? Does it really work? E-
mail me some informations, because I am not an expert about RUBY. Is
there something better than RUBY??? E-mail me about that too. If it
is better then I will get you to convert my PERL programs because I am
very busy and I do not have time to do this conversions myself.

And who keeps spamming me with all these FAQ mails in this BBS???
Stop it!!! I know what all this is, and I can find ALL of these
informations on a website - I do NOT need all this spam! Spam is
against the law, and I WILL report you to Microsoft if you do not
stop!

I could go on forever, of course (and it seems like I have), but if
you haven't figured it out already - this is April 1 (at least in my
locale), and it's not unusual in the United States to play pranks on
"April Fool's Day," and this entire message has been a gag (it's a
gag, NOT a troll). Sadly, though, EVERYTHING here was inspired by
actual posts in this forum over the past few years.

255dbbb33a73698c9adccc5669d09cc3

 

[Jürgen Exner]

WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????

Why are you yelling? BTW: your question mark key is stuck.

I wrote this PERL program

Then why are you posting in a Perl NG?

yesterday and PERL does not even work! I had this EXACT same problem
also with another completely different PERL program that I wrote on a
completely different day, so I KNOW the problem is with PERL!!!!

Yeah , right.

Somebody fix PERL ASAP!!! Here is my program that proves PERL is
broken

@photos = SYSTEM (`dir c:\my pictures\alt.binaries.erotica.children
\*.jpg`)),
for each ('$photo' in '@Photos') [

As I figured. Your PERL must be different programming language then the
Perl that is discussed here. If you were trying to program Perl then
those three lines would contain 5 syntax and 1 context error. There may
be more, but those I found at a quick glimpse.

yada yada yada ...
yada yada yada ...
yada yada yada ...
YOU GET THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!
PERL JUST SKIPS ***ALL*** OF THIS!
],

But PERL doesnt work!

Oh, perl works perfectly fine. It's just that the array @photos is
empty. If you are wondering why, the answer can be found in the FAQ

perldoc -q "DOS paths"

The loop never even loops - it skips over ALL of the program in
the loop

It behaves exactly like it is supposed to do.

(I can PROVE it with a textfile, so dont try to tell me PERL
is not broken)! It even gives me a bogus error message about bare
words (I have NO bare words) when it runs,

That happens when you try to run a PERL program through the Perl
interpreter. Those are obviously different languages.

even though I indented it
right! And it gives me the EXACT same bogus message in my other
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT mp3 program.

I don't know the programming language mp3. However logic would dictate
that the same problem occuring in 2 different programming languages most
likely is caused by the programmer, not the interpreter.

Send me the fixed PERL as a e-mail attachment (it is OK to send me
attachments - I have PREMIUM broadband service. You do not need to
mail me a disk - that takes too long.).

Would a UUencoded X11 binary work, too?

you haven't figured it out already - this is April 1 [...]
"April Fool's Day," and this entire message has been a gag (it's a
gag, NOT a troll).

And the difference would be?

jue

 

[Mpapec]

I could go on forever, of course (and it seems like I have), but if
you haven't figured it out already - this is April 1 (at least in my

Ah, at the end you've managed to spoil a perfectly good post.

 

[O_TEXT]

Lawrence Statton a écrit :

You do realize that today is 1 April in the United states?

It is first April too is some other countries.

 

[Joost Diepenmaat]

Lawrence Statton a écrit :

It is first April too is some other countries.

And the US don't have a monopoly on 1 April jokes, either. Strange but
true.

 

[Rich Grise]

Lawrence Statton a écrit :

It is first April too is some other countries.

Yes, but do they "celebrate" "April Fools' Day"?

For example, England _has_ a 4 July, but nobody there pays
any attention to it. ;-)

Thanks,
Rich

 

[Jürgen Exner]

Everything you read on "teh intarwebs" today will be less credible than
usual.

Is that even possible?

jue

 

[greymaus]

Yes, but do they "celebrate" "April Fools' Day"?

For example, England _has_ a 4 July, but nobody there pays
any attention to it. ;-)

Thanks,
Rich

Oh, they celebrate it, for the opposite reason (Still April 1st).

 

[Sir Robin]

Yes, but do they "celebrate" "April Fools' Day"?

Certainly - I know at least here in Finland we do.

Thanks,
Rich

--
***/--- Sir Robin (aka Jani Saksa) Bi-Sex and proud of it! ---\***
**/ email: (e-mail address removed)-SPAM.org, <*> Reg. Linux user #290577 \**
*| Me, Drugs, DooM, Photos, Writings... http://soul.fiveam.org/robsku |*
**\--- GSM/SMS: +358 44 927 3992 ---/**
"Kun nuorille opetetaan, että kannabis on yhtä vaarallista kuin heroiini,
niin tokihan he oppivat, että heroiini on yhtä vaaratonta kuin kannabis."

 

[Thanatos]

The sentient life form (e-mail address removed) posted the following:

WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA FIX PERL??????

I think it will be easier to fix YOU!

 

[LesleyB]

(e-mail address removed) wrote:

@photos = SYSTEM (`dir c:\my pictures\alt.binaries.erotica.children
\*.jpg`)),

<snip>


I *knew* there was a reason not to lurk on this list.

L.