A
ashu
PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID
SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:
(1)
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'."
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(2)
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get
it to work?"
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(3)
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft
Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me
what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and
Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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(4)
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your
software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
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(5)
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of
the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support:
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(6)
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
Tech support :
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(7)
Tech Support: "What operating system are you
running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
Tech support:
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(
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
Tech support :
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-------------
(9)
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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(10)
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support:
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(11)
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system
disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy
inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an
Intel inside."
Tech support :
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(12)
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a
problem.
We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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(13)
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support:
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(14)
Best of the Lot
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup
files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to
replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to
tell me the command.
Tech support:
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
right.
The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support: (hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers
this,
but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix
the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of
the CONFIG.SYS .
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still
smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS
didn't come with NOSMOKE.
Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech support: How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support: (hush hush)
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what
you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of
power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible
with NOSMOKE.
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(15)
Customer care officer: I need a product identification
no: right now
and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My
Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your
computer?
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Thats a mail forward....now couple of real time expepiences
day b4 yesterday upon some query I asked customer to follow these steps
step 1) blah blah
step 2) blah blah
step 3) blah blah
step 4) Open windows explorer..browse to windows folder
He mailed me back and asked ..
Help!!! I am stuck at step 4..where is windows explorer
SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:
(1)
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(2)
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get
it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(3)
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft
Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me
what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and
Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(4)
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your
software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(5)
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of
the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(6)
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
Tech support :
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(7)
Tech Support: "What operating system are you
running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
Tech support:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
Tech support :
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(9)
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(10)
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(11)
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system
disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy
inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an
Intel inside."
Tech support :
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(12)
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a
problem.
We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(13)
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(14)
Best of the Lot
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup
files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to
replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to
tell me the command.
Tech support:
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
right.
The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support: (hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers
this,
but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix
the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of
the CONFIG.SYS .
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still
smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS
didn't come with NOSMOKE.
Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech support: How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support: (hush hush)
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what
you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of
power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible
with NOSMOKE.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
(15)
Customer care officer: I need a product identification
no: right now
and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My
Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your
computer?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------\
-------------
Thats a mail forward....now couple of real time expepiences
day b4 yesterday upon some query I asked customer to follow these steps
step 1) blah blah
step 2) blah blah
step 3) blah blah
step 4) Open windows explorer..browse to windows folder
He mailed me back and asked ..
Help!!! I am stuck at step 4..where is windows explorer