How to start, if at all ?

[sentinel_6]

Hello,I am writing this to get some input because to be honest i am not sure how to make my next move. I finished programming college, wasn't the best student. Working some unrelated job atm to pay the bills, haven't worked as a programmer yet. I suffer from a bad case of depression and anxiety, and i have a huge unhealty fear of failure. I applied for programming job a few times and was declined, some of them declined me after an interview, some after i sent the program that they required me to program before interview. Now i am so afraid to fail that i rather not try. I tend to freeze under pressure, on interviews i could barely speak.

So now i have to decide whether i forget about my years at college and do the job i do atm (which i dont like btw, but it pays the bills) or do i make 1 final attempt to score a programming job. Which would prolly mean first invest a lot of time to self educate in a language/framework, then search for jobs that need this language. I did some programming for me, a couple of little projects to help me in some chores around the house. But nothing big. As much as i am afraid to fail ... i would hate to look back 40 years from now, wondering how it would be if i actualy got a job as a programmer.I was just wondering if i could get some input from you
guys, what would u do in my place ? How would you make your next move ? Forget about programming ? Give it a try ? I could really use some ideas.

 

[Jacqualine]

If I would have been in your place where I really want to do something I would have joined meditation classes and self-help groups so that I could develop concentration from meditation classes and share my experiences with people and also hear their experiences would help to develop confidence in me. Looking at peers doing well I will surely get competitive and motivated at the same time to do something good.

 

[AngleWyrm]

Failure is a big part of software development.
Github issue tracker is all about failures, proper assignment of blame, and bug hunting.
Here's an example issue triage board

If you can convert fear of failure into some form of apprehension of failure, it could be useful motivation for developing robust code designed to prevent common problems. Pre-bug hunting ounce of prevention.