Perl Blather Generator

[vjp2.at]

I'm sure I've seen programs that generate blather but now I
can't find one. I'm stuck in a wierd situation that comes up often
enoguh: Some third-worlders insist you write pretentious casuistry
when a few simple words are enough. It is sad in these day of "Fog
Index" that we have people who are commitedly ideological and even
theologically dogmatic about making prose incomprehensibly obfuscated
and complicated. I want it in perl so it can be extremely portable.

However, I want something I can control. For example, when it sees
the word "customer" or "strategy" it should randomly chose one of
three flowing phrases. I can write a simple one-to-one in sed, but I
really hope some ingenious soul has already compiled a blatherisation
table that I only need to tweak. The issue is the text should require
no more than, say, ten percent editing to make it seem like it came
from a genuinely glib casuistrous bullshit artist.

I wouldn't mind if the program is ingenious enough to go both ways,
or even to be adjustable (ie, "please set the fog index"). I am
confronted with enough blathermaniacs and antiblathermaniacs to make
my life way too complicated. By the time I get used to one lunatic, I
have to instead conform to the other. In fact, I dug up an
unblatherising sed script:

s#anybody#they#g
s#anyone#they#g
s#as to whether#whether#g
s#as you# #g
s#body of#set#g
s#prone#face down#g
s#case#that#g
s#feel#believe#g
# s#whose#who(his?)se#g
# s#whom#who(him?)m#g
s#iness#y#g
s#via#by way of#g
s#due to#caused by#g
s#kudos#prize#g
s#certainly#yes#g
s#character#he#g
s#compare#like#g
s#consider#think#g
s#convenience#soon#g
s#dependable#reliable#g
s#deviat#off#g
s#discrep#off#g
s#due to#because#g
s#effect#do#g
s#extent#way#g
s#factor#cause#g
s#feature#part#g
s#fictitious#false#g
s#fix#mend#g
s#flow of# #g
s#fluke#accident#g
s#friend#someone#g
s#herewith# #g
s#honest#true#g
s#however#but#g
s#kind of#like#g
s#kudos#praise#g
s#less#fewer#g
s#line#way#g
s#literal#actual#g
s#lose out#fail#g
s#modern#new#g
s#more better#better#g
s#nature#way#g
s#near by#close#g
s#nearby#close#g
s#needless# #g
s#one of the most#one#g
s#people#they#g
s#per#for#g
s#perusal#eyes#g
s#phase#step#g
s#possess#own#g
s#prone#likely#g
s#quantum#big#g
s#relativ#compar#g
s#respective# #g
s#rest assured# #g
s#so # #g
s#sort of#like#g
s#state#say#g
s#system#way#g
s#theor#idea#g
s#uncert#maybe#g
s#velocity moves#it moves#g
s#via#by#g
s#virtual#real#g
s#while#;#g
s#whom#that#g
s#worthwhile# #g
s#would#should#g
s#ated#ed#g
s#ize#e#g
s#ise#e#g
s#which#???#g





- = -
Vasos-Peter John Panagiotopoulos II, Columbia'81+, Bio$trategist
BachMozart ReaganQuayle EvrytanoKastorian
---{Nothing herein constitutes advice. Everything fully disclaimed.}---

 

[Keith Keller]

I'm sure I've seen programs that generate blather but now I
can't find one.

Can't you just combine Purl Gurl's and Xah Lee's writings?

--keith

 

[Eden Cardim]

Some third-worlders insist you write pretentious casuistry
when a few simple words are enough.

Do you really need to generalize your offense when a few simple words
are enough?

 

[usenet]

However, I want something I can control. For example, when it sees
the word "customer" or "strategy" it should randomly chose one of
three flowing phrases.

Why bother to write anything at all? Let Perl write the whole thing for
you (complete with graphs, charts, and references):

http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/

 

[Bengt Richter]

I'm sure I've seen programs that generate blather but now I
can't find one. I'm stuck in a wierd situation that comes up often

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jlawler/foggy.faq.html

Regards,
Bengt Richter

 

[babydoe]

Vasos-Peter John Panagiotopoulos II writes,

It is sad in these day of "Fog Index" that we have people who
are commitedly ideological and even theologically dogmatic
about making prose incomprehensibly obfuscated and complicated.

A machine lacks almost everything needed to put in words an
opinion or an emotion; to explain the complex; to tell a joke.
Prong your productivity-driven virus 'fog Index;' prong your
insensitive shriveled language. 'Plain English' just makes my eye
want to cry uncle. Leave comp.lang.perl.misc, my little bit of
paradise. (My paradise, where I love that the language inclines
to the arcane and inscrutable, and the writers are still capable
of excess and subtlety.)

Please rot in everlasting filth and perdition,

Just another ludite

 

[babydoe]

Crap! that is ludite with two "d's"

 

[axel]

I'm sure I've seen programs that generate blather but now I
can't find one. I'm stuck in a wierd situation that comes up often
enoguh: Some third-worlders insist you write pretentious casuistry
when a few simple words are enough. It is sad in these day of "Fog
Index" that we have people who are commitedly ideological and even
theologically dogmatic about making prose incomprehensibly obfuscated
and complicated. I want it in perl so it can be extremely portable.

Have a look at:

http://www.cs.utexas.edu/users/jbc/home/chef.html

And the lex sources for the jive and other translators.

Axel

 

[Mark Clements]

Can't you just combine Purl Gurl's and Xah Lee's writings?

I have suspicions that they are the same person. I think we should be told.

Mark

 

[Francesc]

Really amazing!!
=:-D

 

[William]

Have a look at:

http://www.cs.utexas.edu/users/jbc/home/chef.html

That one's really lame.

 

[vjp2.at]

I went hunting on google for "chatterbot perl knowledge base". I
"knew" Hugh Kenner back on BiX ca 1988. Foggy is a riot, but not what
I needed, though I think sometime it may prove valuable when I
frustration with fools triggers my evil streak. I need foggy with a
twist - a knowledge base I can tweak like foggy, but it should take a
simple paragraph and turn it into a long blatherous paper that I can
then spend a few minutes editing and it will say pretty much the same
thing as my simple paragraph. For example I write "The customer is a
petunia" and it writes "Our customers are very important to us. One of
our multifarous customers has proven to be a petunia. Wheretofore and
heretofore, this important,vaulabel and significant datum will be
assessed strategically and applied to our models wherefrom we shall
therefore optimise our tactics, strategy and operations so that we
fully capture the economic benefits derivable from this customer."
One form would work with a knowledge base where it is triggered by
words like customer and petunia into random but reasonably meaningful
ramblings. The other would be even better if it took a file with
writing similar to the target and transformed the source using the
target as a model (for style and size). I would really wish this was
in perl so I could use it on the fly anywhere!



- = -
Vasos-Peter John Panagiotopoulos II, Columbia'81+, Bio$trategist
BachMozart ReaganQuayle EvrytanoKastorian
---{Nothing herein constitutes advice. Everything fully disclaimed.}---
Pataki+JebBush in 2008!

 

[vjp2.at]

I think you could broadly generalise the three most common writing styles are:

1. Cryptic misappropriated connotation (demanded by "scholars")
2. Telegraphic commercial (Taught by "Communications" programs)
3. Latinate bureaucratic (demanded by 3rd world bureaucrats)
4. Literary Synonymania (demanded by "English" professors/teachers)

And these variances seem to be used to discriminate and segregate
dogmatically and unfairly. "Can't we just all get along?"


- = -
Vasos-Peter John Panagiotopoulos II, Columbia'81+, Bio$trategist
BachMozart ReaganQuayle EvrytanoKastorian
---{Nothing herein constitutes advice. Everything fully disclaimed.}---
Pataki+JebBush in 2008!