Friends & coding

[realcoder]

Hi All, I am 26 and I struggle having friends, actually I have none. Maybe is because I am shy or maybe it's because I am in a wheelchair... am I the only one that doesn't have friends? if not, do you honestly care?, why or in what do you struggle? Let's share our experience.

 

[iseeclouds23]

bro, one thing I can say is that you confide that you can make friends and be yourself when interacting with people and, well if possible, forget your weaknesses and insecurities. You can do that if you keep that mindset up !

 

[theblmamba]

Hey realcoder,
I actually have a friend that is in a wheelchair and let me tell you, he is one of the few people I admire. Even though he is losing mobility little by little through the years he always finds a way how to keep going. He is inspirational individual and enjoy every moment I spend time to talk to him. Keep going realcoder and do not let it get you down. I am looking for a coding buddy and I would like to have you as coding buddy if you would like. I am taking computer science classes and learning how to code. I actually have an algorithm problem that I am having trouble solving. I do not know if you would like to help. If so, I can send you what I have in my notes and help me or guide me to solve it.
Thank you realcoder.

 

[Kaleb]

hey to realcoder and theblmamba i am looking for coding buddies as well i recently moved and have no one to talk to about my work so what can i do try so keep trying one day you will find a friend who is great at coding if not u always have forums like these

 

[A.N.Omalum]

Hi All, I am 26 and I struggle having friends, actually I have none. Maybe is because I am shy or maybe it's because I am in a wheelchair... am I the only one that doesn't have friends? if not, do you honestly care?, why or in what do you struggle? Let's share our experience.

You're definitely not alone.

As an adult I became a successful businessman and have always been quite physically able, although I came from a....ahhh, let's just say, a considerably toxic familial situation and so since my mid 20s I've been having to deal with some... frankly, rather bloody horrific childhood experiences that I'd apparently suppressed.

For example: late one night in 1995 I woke up to witness my so-called "mother" in the process of attempting to murder me and my siblings while we were asleep.

It's only thanks to a heroic truck driver that we didn't die.

Though we still ended up hospitalized with severe injuries, me being paralyzed for about a week, while my youngest sibling (9 months old at the time) barely survived, requiring months of emergency facial reconstruction surgery.

Thing is. She actually managed to convince everyone, including the authorities, that it was all "just an accident" and that she was merely an "innocent victim".

No joke. I'm literally the only other individual in existence who actually knows what really happened that night... although, as mentioned, I seem to have subconsciously blocked out all memory of it until about 15 years later, when I guess I must've been old enough to face and begin to comprehend the shocking truth.

Yet several years ago when I eventually summoned the courage to talk about this with my siblings, they...well, they basically just called me a liar and ever since then they've become increasingly hostile towards me, I mean like, they've actually become proactively offensive and on numerous occasions even becoming physically violent, always seeming to go out of their way to do anything they can to cause as much harm as possible. I can't, and won't deny that it's been pretty damned heartbreaking, to say the least.

So anyways, as of around five years ago I've had to cut all contact with them, as well as the entire family and everyone else I ever knew.

Essentially having to start a new life far away from them and completely alone.

Though fortunately my financial situation has allowed me to get a good head start, however the severe childhood psychological trauma definitely hasn't been so easy to deal with and has resulted in developing what the allopathic docs tell me is 'AvPD'-('Avoidant Personality Disorder'), which is, in some ways, kinda like intense persistent social anxiety—on steroids.

Luckily thanks to the internet, and the inherently indirect social connectivity it affords, along with the (surprisingly) beneficial aspects of the 'Online Disinhibition Effect', this, to some extent, allows me a means to largely negate the utterly crippling 'AvPD' stuff, so to a degree I am actually able to meaningfully socially interact, whereas otherwise I'd probably be near completely socially isolated.

One (rather disconcerting) thing I have learned so far, is that most people, at least whom I've met online and irl, especially including the educated, trained, qualified, professional psychological "experts" who are not afflicted with 'AvPD' and therefore who simply have absolutely no direct subjective experience with the first hand reality of living with it, they generally tend to be remarkably prone to expressing outright, although typically veiled, invalidation, as in, more or less brushing it off, quite often mockingly so, as if it's something minor...while I wish they were right, and that-that was the case, alas in reality it's just not.

Thus I've had to accept that most people simply cannot understand, and moreover, I will likely have to deal with this condition for the rest of my brief transience of the living materiality embodiment experience.

In a sense...in some ways I suppose it could sorta be kinda like being psychologically wheelchair bound, or my preferred way to describe it, is like being trapped within an imperceptibly pervasive inescapable prison existence.

Frankly it really does suck aye, and I often do struggle with things that are probably relatively easy for others, yet regardless I chose not to dwell in perpetual suffering because of this abhorrent condition.

Whereas instead I'm trying my best to live a good life, and one way I'm trying to do that is by utilizing the incredible capacities our modern technology enables us, so nowadays I'm pretty much doing whatever I can via the online medium to help others any way I'm able to.... however, I do have to admit that I'm also not very familiar with computery stuff overall, though I am doing my best nonetheless.

Which is what led to me stumbling onto this website today, and subsequently reading your humble post.

Coz, to tell you the truth, I've been having a hell of a time since 13 December 2022, mostly flailing about hopelessly (and imo somewhat cartoonishly) trying to create a decent functional forum website to serve as a foundation for providing an online community environment for individuals like me, and perhaps also like you too, who some might regard as being, I guess, less than ideal members of the common online communities.

Honestly, @realcoder, just putting it out there as an option for ya, I am here and available, not merely on this site, rather I mean, I'm extremely active online in general, and I am genuinely willing to be there for you if you ever needed someone to chill with aye mate....as long as you're interested in hangin' with a tripppy kiwi, who, so you're aware...lol, probably doesn't exactly conform with, nor adheres to the prevalent common conventions encountered online.

 

[liammiller]

Hey, bro!