I'm sure this has been seen by everyone important already, but it
brightened up what will otherwise be another morning tainted by
insufficient caffeine...
http://dialspace.dial.pipex.com/town/green/gfd34/art/
This bit cracks me up:
================
No modern computer system is complete without software. Whilst we provide a
number of off-the-shelf weapons control applications, we appreciate that
our clients will wish to customise their purchases with in-house software.
Unstable binaries could cause our weapons control systems to have a
potentially negative impact on the environment. We take our
responsibilities very seriously, and ensure that each system is supplied
with a compiler which fully supports the ANSI/ISO C Standard. Our compiler
of choice is the Z15 Operations Group compiler, ZOG C.
ZOG C is shipped free with every ART system sold. It's a fully compliant
ANSI C compiler, its performance is excellent (in terms of both compilation
speed and - literally - execution speed), and it comes complete with a set
of libraries specifically tailored for our industry. For example:
.. CONIO Computer-Operated Nuclear Installation Options
.. SOCKETS Secure Operations Cluster-Kill Extended Targeting Solutions
.. DOS Denial Of Service
.. NCURSES Nuclear Component Unit Realignment/Systems Extension Solutions
and many many more.
Regrettably, some other compiler vendors use similarly-named extensions for
supposedly mission-critical functionality such as networking, clearing
display devices, and other non-portable paradigms. It is therefore
recommended that you only allow programmers to work on our systems if they
are experienced in writing portable, ANSI-compliant C code. It would be
unfortunate if any more lives were lost simply because some programmers
feel a deep spiritual need to obliterate the display device, and much much
more, using ZOG C's Commence Launch (Remote Systems Console Request)
function, clrscr() (see bloopers).
Hong "unfortunately, they misspelled Kaz's name" Ooi
